Rules of Reporting
by Malvolia
Summary: Lois makes the rules, and Clark learns from them. Based on events in Season 8 episodes Plastique and Hex. Clois.
1. The First Seven Rules

Lois couldn't believe it. He didn't get a name. They were talking front-page story material, and he didn't get a name. Why her?

"Rule Number One: Always know your source."

He gave her his eyeroll-substitute smirk and asked for the CliffsNotes, but she ignored him. She didn't care. Chloe had been the first in the family to try it on for size, but journalism had become Lois' turf, and she was never one to hold back on giving advice. Plus, there was just something almost heartwarming about lecturing Clark.

For the rest of the day, she took every opportunity to rub his nose in the fact that this was _her_ gig, and to pour cold water on his attempts to assert himself as some kind of equal partner. He could do as he was told or he could get out of the way, but she could not allow him to go traipsing in and out of the managing editor's office as casually as though it were a horse stall. At least she'd gotten him out of the flannel and into a proper dress shirt before he'd completely humiliated her.

Lying in bed that night, her mind wandering a bit too often to that dress shirt—and the non-existent wrinkles she had been pressing out of it while it was being worn—and the possibility that maybe Clark wasn't as dumb as he acted sometimes—she needed a distraction. She tore a page from the notebook on her nightstand and started writing. She scrawled a heading in big black letters: LOIS' RULES OF REPORTING.

Next time she went on assignment out of town, this list was going to wind up under his keyboard. He needed all the help he could get.

* * *

Not that it wasn't a shock when Chloe told her she'd been Lois-for-a-day, but it did explain something. "No wonder you sounded so...well, like me," Lois said, thinking back to the strange phone call she had received while in Mexico. "Why didn't you tell me then?"

"I was kind of panicking," responded her cousin. "At the time, I was really glad you didn't pick up on the whole Patty Duke scenario."

"Too bad I was out of the country. Think of all the fun we could've had with Clark."

Chloe grinned. "_I_ had some fun with Clark all by myself."

It was beyond ridiculous that that statement should make her even remotely jealous, so she wasn't. Jealous. Even remotely. "Spill."

"First, six phone calls? Five from the airport and one from the plane?"

Despite herself, Lois flushed. "Last minute notes," she hedged. "Smallville can't handle things over there on his own. I was just...making sure he knew what to do when I was gone."

"I don't think that's a problem. Do 'Lois' Rules of Reporting' ring any bells?"

"He remembers them?" she asked, flattered.

"He _framed_ them."

"No."

"Top left-hand drawer."

"Wow. Wait, really?"

"No lie," Chloe insisted. "Underneath all that bluster and eye-rolling, I'd say Clark Kent truly respects you."

"Wow. I mean, he's...he would...I...."

Her cousin laughed. "Sounds mutual to me."

Mutual feeling was not an okay mental pathway. "Enough about Smallville," Lois said. "The real question is: will you ever be able to wear that sweater again?"


	2. Same Old New Rule

A date. Lois had a date. That was fine. That was normal.

"You want me to call you if anything comes through the wire to see if you're available?" Clark asked weakly.

"You mean if you want to stand me up again?"

Okay. He deserved that. "Lois, that was..."

"...a mistake," she finished. He could tell by the look in her eyes she wasn't up for clichés. "Why don't we just table this whole office/thrown-together-in-the-trenches sparks thing, okay? Back to basics. Keep the game on the field." Well, maybe just a few clichés.

He nodded. "Yeah, that's a good rule."

"You should add that to the list," she said, and turned away.

Clark looked down at the framed list in his hand.

**Rule Number One: Always know your source.**

He smiled at Lois' back as she strode out the door and up the stairs. There was a bit more sway to her hips than usual, which meant she was thrown off by something and trying to return the favor.

**Rule Number Two: Always make a good first impression (and don't screw up with the boss).**

When they'd first met, he'd thought she was blunt and direct about almost everything. She never admitted she was wrong, and she barely ever let her guard down, and woe unto you if she let her guard down and regretted it. Like when they'd almost kissed at Chloe and Jimmy's wedding reception. Which was a regret that bit both ways.

**Rule Number Three: Do whatever it takes to get the story.**

Getting the story wasn't the problem. He couldn't count the number of times he'd confronted powerful people, been in dangerous situations, literally run across the world following leads. But _giving_ the story? People stumbled across the story that was Clark Kent by accident, or dug it up due to persistence, but he'd never given it. Sometimes he wondered if the years he'd spent hiding, lying to nearly everybody and pretending to be somebody else, affected him in other areas, too. Helped him lie to himself. For some reason, he thought about Lana.

**Rule Number Four: If something seems too weird to be true, it usually is.**

He hadn't thought about Lana for a while, not since.... Was it since Lois got back? Was Lana that easy to dismiss? Was he really petty enough to be upset that Lois had a date when he had been thoroughly back together with his obsession mere months before and when he'd never explained where she had run off to this time? And had he just thought of Lana as an obsession?

**Rule Number Five: Never take deadlines too seriously.**

He had been dreaming about Lana ever since grade school. The first time he saw her, he thought she was an angel. He'd mapped out his future life when he was 12, and by now he had hoped to be Lana Lang's husband. That and the lead quarterback for the Metropolis Sharks.

**Rule Number Six: Triple check your facts.**

Whitney Fordman. That kryptonite necklace. Worry about hurting Chloe. Jor-El and running away from Smallville. Adam Knight. Jason Teague. The proposal that resulted in first Lana's death, then that of his father. Lex Luthor. Forsaking his duty as a hero. The suit that absorbed kryptonite.

In retrospect, maybe the universe wasn't trying to play it subtle.

**Rule Number Seven: Put all the good stuff at the beggining.**

"The best ones always start out that way," Lana herself had observed after first seeing Lois and Clark interact.

He ran his finger over the double "g." Spelling was one of the few facts Lois didn't bother to check, unless you counted the times she used him as a human dictionary.

There were other rules. The woman added a new rule every other day, although the numbering got pretty erratic. He was never sure if she was skipping rules or making up the numbers as she went. These seven, though, these were the big ones. This was the list that had been on his desk the first morning he came in to a day of sitting across from Lois' empty chair.

No room at the bottom for another rule. He'd just have to remember it.

**Rule Number Eight: Keep the game on the field.**

"Always has been, always will be," he muttered to himself, and smiled again.

Somehow he knew this rule was destined to be his favorite.


End file.
